10. Have no idea what your budget is. By all means, don’t talk to a lender before you start shopping. Asking a lender to give you a clear picture of your finances and what you could comfortably afford is only for sissies.
9. Lowball every offer. Who cares what the home is worth or what fair market value is. You are a buyer, the most valuable commodity on the planet. So go ahead, offer the sellers say… half their asking price, they won’t mind. After all you want them to know that you know how the game is played, right?
8. Put the smallest amount down for earnest money. $100.00 or less should do it.
7. Be totally disrespectful, insult everything. Start with the décor and work your way up to the baby pictures on the wall. The more personal and unkind the insult the better. Show them who’s boss.
6. Make appointments and then either don’t show up or be very, very late. Don’t apologize for anything. Your time is valuable
5. When you enter escrow, be late with everything – they’ll wait. Those timelines don’t apply to you. Your situation is “special” and it’s not like they can do anything if you fail to meet the deadlines.
4. As soon as you get pre-approved for a loan go on a spending spree. Want a new car? Buy it! Want to get new furniture? Go for it! Now that you know you have the loan, open new charge cards left and right, it’s not going to matter.
3. Show up unannounced and demand to see the house. The more forceful you can be the better. Remember, you have the upper hand, you are the buyer, you have the right to see whatever you want, whenever you want. If the seller doesn’t like it, well that’s just tough.
2. Don’t sign anything, they don’t own you! You’re a free agent, you don’t owe anybody anything. You don’t need to be loyal, just go wherever you get the best deal. Oh, and if you get to the point where you decide to try to make a deal, tell the agent to cut their commission to make the deal – they make too much money anyway.
1. Don’t use a Realtor. Those bloodsuckers are only interested in one thing – their commission. It’s not like you actually need a licensed, trained expert, you’re not stupid. How hard can filling out all that paperwork really be. And if the deal goes sideways, you can always tell the judge that you didn’t know and he’ll understand.
This was all just in fun… But, then you knew that, right? Everyone needs a laugh now and then!
Have a wonderful week all and remember… help lots of people and take care,
Tisza
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5 Responses to 10 Ways NOT to Buy a Home in a Buyer’s Market
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About Me
Tisza Major-Posner
(909) 837-8922
I.V.P.G. - Inland Valley Professional Group Powered by Keller Williams in Claremont/Upland/Rancho Cucamonga, California
Philanthropy
Thesse are great. I especially love the $100 deposit. My other favorite that isn’t listed is the 30 day vacation in a 45 day escrow.
I might agree with you on 7 ways not to buy a home in a buyers market.
While respect and standards should be a part of any business engagement, I commonly find myself wondering if sellers think they are a buyers customer or visa-versa? I think it really depends on the market, but if you’re sitting on house that isnt moving you’ve got to start to question…
1. What is the true market value (no cheating, you only get to use present value calcuations – three months from now doesnt count if you want to sell the house today?)
2. Is is worth it for me to show a stranger what I liked about living here?
3. What do I actually get for this 3%?
Hi Kyle,
Thank you for reading my post. In response to your comments…
Regarding market value, as I am sure you know, the best way to get an idea of what the market is doing right at this very moment is to look at close comparable closed sales for the previous three months and close comparables that are currently pending, meaning that an offer has been made and accepted. until the sale is closed and the information is posted, even that will only give you a ballpark, but at least it is a closer one.
Regarding showing – A seller/homeowner should not be the one showing a potential buyer their home. Not just because the seller shouldn’t need to “sell” the house, because the home should sell itself. But, because it is easier for the buyers to comfortably and objectively view a home when they don’t feel they are being observed.
Regarding commission – If you are working with me, I do a whole lot to earn my half of the commission. Also, remember if you are the one buying the house, then all my work on your behalf, and my errors and ommissions insurance coverage that protects us both, come to you free of charge.
I am paid using the portion of the commission that the selling agent receives from the sellers and decides to share with the agent representing the buyers.
These were all good questions. Who would have thought tha a “humor” post would invite such intelligent discourse.
Take care, help lots of people and have a wonderful day!
Tisza
Lol hilarious!!!
Hi Jonathan,
I’m glad you liked ‘um. I like to throw something fun in once in a while just to keep it light and to keep everyone on their toes.
Take care, help lots of people and have a super day!
Tisza